This Can Am Spyder guy goes to see his doctor and tells him, “Every time I fart, it sounds like a Honda motorbike.
The doctor tells the guy to pull down his pants and bend over. As he does so, the guy farts and sure enough, it sounds just like a Honda motorbike.
The doctor immediately says to the guy, “I know the problem – you’ve got an abscess up your arse.”
The guy says, “What?! Surely an abscess can’t make my farts sound like that?”
The doctor says, “Didn’t you know? Abscess makes the fart go Honda!”
Ryder George was in a hospital bed wired up to a heart monitor, an oxygen mask on and tubes coming out of his arm. Nurse Betty was checking his vitals when George said " Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Nurse Betty thought "OMG did he say his testicles! Well I had better check just in case the poor guy is in pain." So, she pulled down his covers and lifted up his hospital gown and proceeded with a close examination of his private parts. After a while she said "They look alright to me George! Are you in any pain?" to which he shook his head. So then she tidied him up, pulled down his hospital gown and covered him up.
Gorge then said, after pulling off his oxygen mask, "Thanks Nurse, you were very gentle, now, listen to me very carefully. ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"
A Can Am Biker is sitting on his Spyder, drinking a beer, by the Zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Spyder, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Spyder rider says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.”
The Spyder rider replies, “Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”
The reporter says, “Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?”
The biker replies "I'm a U.S. Marine, a Republican and I’m voting for Trump."
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
“U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT & STEALS HIS LUNCH”
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from a RT SE5 Trike when he spotted a well known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there waiting for the manager to take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?" The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the Spyder. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open it's heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish they work good as new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic....."Try doing it with the engine running."
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered.
"On a trip to the Big Horn Mountains out in Wyoming, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you" Saint Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"
"Couple of minutes ago."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me..."
God continued "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"
Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of Woman?"
God said, "Yes, that would be me."
"Well," said Arthur , "Professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention!...
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!"
"Well! You may have some good points there", replied God, "Hold on."
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed", God said to Arthur, "But according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."
Sergeant at Police Station: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
Sergeant: What kind of vehicle did she go in?
Husband: She left on my Can Am Spyder
Sergeant: What kind of Spyder was it?
Husband: (sobbing) It's a 2010 Spyder RT SE5 with heated handlebars and rear passenger grips, the Spyder is silver in color with a black spyder decal on the front trunk, a raised spyder outline on the document tray in front of the rider, twin union flags at the rear and a high rise digital electronic stop light in addition to the standard stop lights either side, it has eagle head decals either side of the rear trunk, and has an AAA decal on the rear mudflap the number plate reads XYZ123 and the rear tire is brand new! (At this point, the sobbing has turned into a full cry.)
Sergeant: Don't worry buddy. We'll find your Spyder for you.
I need some advice guys. Recently my girlfriend has been receiving too many calls during very odd hours of the night. She has also been coming home very late saying that she was at a team building meeting at work.
I called her boss, and he said they've not had any such meeting for the past month. So yesterday when she said she was going for a team building meeting, I followed her on my Spyder after two blocks a guy stopped his car hugged her and opened his car door for her. I was watching all that from a distance so they wouldn't see me.
When they finally drove off I tried to start my Spyder to follow them but it wouldn't fire-up. What could the problem be guys? The clutch ? Engine? Petrol? Plugs? I'm so worried about my bike.
Two wheels at the front, one at the back. Who would have thunk it!
The police found over 2000 dead crows on highways recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu.
The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah", not a single one could shout “motorcycle”
We couldn't wait to get home, so I pulled into a quiet road and we got down to it.
Then a cop on a motorbike came round the corner and gave me a ticket.
I said "What the hell is this for?"
He replied, "That's for doing 69 in a 30 zone."
Look what's riding bikes these days
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